I probably shouldn’t start this post with a quote from the rapper Drake, but the lyrics to “Too Much” just seem to fit how I’m feeling:
Am I the only person on earth who gets tired of starting over?
…Get freakin’ old.
I’m sick of starting over and here’s why:
I’m sick of starting over because just the idea of it gives me the sense that everything I did before doesn’t matter or was wrong. That the life as I knew it was crap and that the lessons I learned are less valid than the ones to come.
I’m sick of starting over because square one isn’t where I want or need to be. When I get lost when traveling, I don’t say to myself: “Well crap, I’m lost. I’m starting over.” Then drive all the way back to my starting point and start the journey again. No, because that would be crazy. I simply retrace my steps, figure out where my journey went wrong and start again from a place where I’m familiar.
Life is like that.
I shouldn’t feel the need to scrap everything and start over, but I’m so guilty of that.
The idea of clearing my plate of everything and starting over is empowering to some extent, but how much value does that place on the foundation I’ve been building all my life?
I can’t undo my bad habits without addressing them.
I can’t erase my limiting beliefs without analyzing them.
I can’t undo my defense mechanisms without realizing them.
The idea of “starting over” without taking the time to figure out what I have, what I need to keep and what I need to let go of is like throwing a bunch of white sheets over furniture and pretending the furniture isn’t there anymore.
It’s still there. And eventually I’ll either get sick of bumping into it or I’ll settle back into the habits, beliefs and defense mechanisms that are comfortable.
This is why I’m sick of starting over. Because you never really can start over. You just can’t.
You were made perfect to begin with. Believe that. You just have to get back to you.
Plus, starting over based on what you — in your fractured, effed-up state — think you need to do is just all wrong. That’s like driving while under the influence of alcohol. Your perception is skewed. You don’t really know what you need and most of the time you end up doing too much, going too far and then, a few months later, there’s the need to start over again. I’m speaking from experience here.
If you’re a woman who is sick of starting over, join me. What we need to do is to edit our lives in order to get to who we truly are. I know a few amazing editors and one thing they all say is: editing is not about adding things or scrapping a whole piece, it’s about figuring out what the core of the story is by taking away what you don’t need.
Like a robin’s egg that’s covered in layers of mud, you don’t simply throw the egg against a wall forsaking the mud and the contents of the mud in one shot.
No, you sponge off the mud with delicacy and care because you want to be gentle with the contents.
So I’m done starting over. I choose to keep who I am in this moment and simply clean off the layers I no longer need.
Part of this means experimenting often to discover which things are good in my life and which things I can let go or edit. View my latest experiment here.
I hope you’ll join me on this journey.
PS: When you chase a goal, mighty forces will come to your aid. I had this post scheduled for today, but was debating whether or not to publish it. When I opened my YouVersion Bible app this morning my Joyce Meyer’s plan gave me the following advice for today, which I think aligns nicely:
“Look from the Place Where You Are.
It seems that life always has its ways of bringing us to a place where we need to make a fresh start.
In the Bible, Abram found himself in that very place when his nephew Lot chose the best land in the area, leaving Abram with the less desirable land. But God didn’t abandon Abram. Instead He showed up and gave Abram a bold new vision.
“The Lord said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, “Look around from where you are, to the north and south, to the east and west….’ “ Gen. 13:14